Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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