this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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