I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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