So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
