The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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