Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We're too hungover to prance.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
