if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
