You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As shirtless as possible
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
