Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
