Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
