I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
