Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
