i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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