You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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