I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
