so that wasnt chicken after all
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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