Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
