there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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