i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Girls should come with a carfax report
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
