My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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