Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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