wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
