Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You can't motorboat a personality
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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