Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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