tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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