There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
