Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
