My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
