I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
