I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
