I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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