Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
