Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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