You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
