i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Enjoy the penises
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
