all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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