this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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