Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
