I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Please don't give away my fajitas
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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