I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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