my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
