just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
