I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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