today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
