Quick, to the slutcave!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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