...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
