Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
