k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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