no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
