Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
