So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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