I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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