If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
