The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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