don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
