someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish you could order shots online.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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