Whod you bang
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
