ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
