I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
