you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
