hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
