Kiss
Puke
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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