i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
