She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
