she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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