Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
