I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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