Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
