omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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