Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
