Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
