I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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