apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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